Moving In Together: Expectations and Preparations

A home is a person’s most intimate space. It’s where you can let your guard down and be yourself. It’s the comfort everyone looks forward to, especially after long and tiring days.

And because of that, moving in with a partner is a major relationship milestone. While it may not be the taboo it once was, it’s still a big deal when a guy talks about moving in together with a girl. It’s letting someone into your most personal place.

Are you thinking about moving in together with your partner? What should you expect? We don’t have an instruction manual, but we will give you tips on pulling it off.

How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together?

Couples often ask this question when contemplating sharing one roof. How early is too early?

The truth is there’s no specific deadline for moving in. However, experts believe couples should consider several factors like finances and household responsibilities before making their decision. You’re not the only person affected by this choice.

A major decision like this is a personal one. Only you and your partner can say the time is right. Psychotherapist Beth Gulotta agrees with this thought. “There is no specific answer to this question other than what works best for both partners,” she says.

Moving together can also be chaotic, so make sure you and your partner are 100% sure about your decision. It won’t do if one person isn’t fully on board with that option.

Does Moving In Together Kill a Relationship?

The thought of living together with your partner can be enticing in the beginning. Who wouldn’t want to spend more time together at your convenience?

As great as it sounds, you may need to step back before bliss clouds your logic. You’re not just getting a roommate—this is your partner we’re talking about. So, to answer the question, moving in together can damper your relationship’s spark, or worse, kill it entirely.

How? One, you and your partner may get too comfortable with each other. You’ll want at least a small hint of occasional mystery. Two, having routines for many things kills spontaneity, which can get you in a rut. And three, seeing each other every day may lead you to neglect quality time.

Red Flags Before Moving in Together

Before you and your partner get too excited about living together, be aware that the process of moving in together can reveal possible red flags. You can make your move a lot less stressful by squashing potential issues before they get too difficult to handle.

Spot these issues early while you still can:

1. Lifestyle clashes

Couples with opposite lifestyles may find living together difficult. Factors like clashing work schedules or dietary requirements may cause conflicts.

2. Financial matters

Money isn’t a sexy subject for any couple and is a common reason behind many conflicts. You and your partner should have an honest conversation about your financial health to help set reasonable expectations.

3. Pressure

Do you or your partner feel any pressure to move in together? If so, you’ll need to discuss your feelings or risk sowing resentment or bitterness. Open communication may be easy for some, but some couples have difficulty practicing it. Don’t leave pressure unaddressed.

4. Trust issues

Constant doubts are a huge red flag, especially if you plan to live together. You won’t last long in the same house if you’re frequently questioning each other’s actions and decisions.

Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together

The answers to these questions will help you have a clearer decision-making process:

1. Why do you want to move in together?

Sharing a roof shouldn’t be done out of convenience. If you and your partner plan to live together, the reason should be simple: you just simply want to.

2. How will you equally divide responsibilities and obligations?

You may have encountered think pieces discussing inequality regarding financial and household responsibilities.

Save yourselves from the drama and have a thorough discussion. It won’t be sexy, but it’s necessary.

You and your partner should have a fair split of chores and bills. Inequality is a breeding ground for toxic relationships.

3. What will your relationship look like in the future?

Is moving in together a stepping stone for marriage? Is this another relationship milestone you want to enjoy for a while? Talk about your realistic timeline so you know where your relationship is headed.

Relationship Problems After Moving in Together

The work doesn’t stop at unpacking your boxes in your new home. Post-move hurdles are inevitable too. Here are a few relationship red flags after moving in together so you know what to expect:

1. Disappointments

Living in the same space, unfortunately, forces you to see each other at your worst moments. This paves the way for disappointments, which creates irritation and tension.

2. Personal space violations

You and your partner will unknowingly cross each other’s boundaries. You won’t know you’ve pushed past their limits unless you talk it out and work on it.

3. Dwindling intimacy

Intimacy changes when couples live together. The adjustment period doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all strategy because everyone has different moods and feelings.

4. Fading feelings

Moving in together may cause you and your partner to take each other for granted. Quality time has become boring and predictable, which can lead to problems. Don’t allow this to reach the point where your partner is tempted to cheat just to add spice.

5. Secrecy

You and your partner don’t have to tell each other everything because you have a right to privacy. However, you’re well within your rights to ask each other questions about your observations. You should talk about them if they have possible effects on your relationship.

A Moving-In-Together Checklist

Have you and your partner decided to move in already? If so, that’s great. But before you pack your things, we recommend checking these things off this list to ensure you don’t miss out on anything:

1. You’ve gotten used to each other’s presence

Have you spent many nights together? Do your families get along? If you’ve gotten used to being around each other a lot, adjustment won’t be much of an issue.

2. You know how to have healthy fights

You can’t avoid fights. However, you can have healthy disagreements. Not every argument has to be an angry screaming match. Mastering that will make shared spaces more peaceful.

3. Shame is absent

Are you no longer holding yourself back in your partner’s presence? Are they unfazed by your occasionally embarrassing quirks? If so, you’re ready to live under the same roof.

4. The excitement is palpable

It’s normal to feel nervous about a milestone like this. But if your excitement outweighs that, the transition will be a much more pleasant experience.

Moving in together with your partner requires a relationship inventory. We hope our tips will help you make a sound decision.