Why Does a Breakup Hurt and How Can You Overcome It?

Breakups occur for various reasons—realizing your relationship has become toxic, contrasting goals, or simply falling out of love. Yet, all share a common outcome: pain.

Fortunately, the feeling isn't permanent. This guide will help you on your road to recovery after a breakup. The process won't be easy. It'll require a great deal of patience. But you can move on more quickly and easily.

Why Do Breakups Suck?

Breakups hurt, regardless of who initiated them and how they happened. The reasons stem from the following psychological and biological factors:

• Loss of So Many Things All at Once: After a breakup, you don't just lose a partner. You also lose your daily routine, shared future, and, worse, your identity.
• Lack of Closure: Even a healthy breakup hurts. And that's because you have no one to blame for the loss. When you can't pinpoint a reason for your relationship's end, you might find it difficult to come to terms with it.
• Dopamine Withdrawal: Love can drown you in dopamine. You experience full-blown highs whenever your partner compliments you or sends you good morning messages. But a breakup suddenly cuts off these hits, making you experience withdrawals. It's as if you've gone cold turkey.
• Physical Pain: According to a study published in the Proceedings of the US National Academy of Sciences, heartache burns like hot coffee. Participants were shown photos of their ex. At the same time, heat was applied to their left arms. Lead researcher Ethan Kross states that the photos and warmth elicited similar types of pain.

The Hard Truths of Going Through a Breakup

The intense emotions that follow a breakup can be overwhelming. They seem to justify your desires and impulses. But here are some hard truths you need to hear:

• Healing Takes Time: Recovery is a personal process. Everyone has a different timeline for getting over heartbreak. Some take longer than others, while others move on after a few good cries.
• Rebound Relationships Prolong Misery: Using someone else to make your ex jealous or to avoid being alone will only delay your healing. Also, no one deserves to be taken advantage of.
• Missing Your Ex May Mean Missing Security: It's natural to miss your ex and the memories you shared. But this doesn't mean it's beneficial to get back together with them. You might simply be craving the security of a relationship, rather than a specific person.
• You'll Feel Lost: Going through a breakup sucks because you begin to question your identity. Who are you when you're not someone's partner? It's crucial to remember that your relationship status should not define who you are.
• Reunions Are Usually Just Fantasies: You tell yourself you'll rekindle your relationship once you've resolved your personal issues. But it's rare for a reunion to happen. The relationship ended for a reason. You're better off spending your energy on healing than hoping for a comeback.

What Are the 5 Stages of Breakup?

The recovery process isn't linear. You may cycle through these stages or experience them out of order:

How to Get Over a Breakup

Mourning is necessary, but there comes a time when action must replace despair. Building small habits is key to getting over a breakup.

1. Abide by the 72-Hour Rule

The first three days after your breakup are when your emotions are at an all-time high. In turn, you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions, like contacting your ex and begging for a second chance.

By waiting 72 hours before making any major decision, you allow yourself to think more rationally and avoid doing things that can hinder your healing process.

2. Process and Release Your Guilt

Refrain from dwelling on what went wrong. Reframe your takeaways as lessons for future relationships. If guilt is overwhelming, seek professional help. A therapist works in your best interest and will not judge you.

3. Focus on the Silver Linings

A breakup is often for the best if the relationship was hurting you, going nowhere, or started for the wrong reasons (like fear of loneliness). You’ve made an effort to maintain your connection. Now, you have the opportunity to develop yourself rather than be in an unending toxic cycle.

4. Lean on Your Support Network

Don’t isolate yourself. Spend quality time with friends and family. They can motivate you to be present and remind you of the great people already in your life.

5. Prioritize Self-Care

You might feel unattractive after a breakup. You might tie your self-worth to the relationship. Or you might compare your current self to your past self or your ex’s new partner.

Learn how to love yourself after a breakup. A simple shower, clean clothes, or even a spa day can help nurse a broken heart. You can also reengage in your hobbies or find new interests.

Final Takeaway

Dealing with a breakup doesn’t have to be all sorrow. You can view this time as an opportunity for personal growth and preparation for your next relationship.

Hopefully, this guide will help make it easier for you to transition from heartbreak to hopeful bachelor.