Breakups occur for various reasons—realizing your relationship has become toxic, contrasting goals, or simply falling out of love. Yet, all share a common outcome: pain.
Fortunately, the feeling isn't permanent. This guide will help you on your road to recovery after a breakup. The process won't be easy. It'll require a great deal of patience. But you can move on more quickly and easily.
Breakups hurt, regardless of who initiated them and how they happened. The reasons stem from the following psychological and biological factors:
The intense emotions that follow a breakup can be overwhelming. They seem to justify your desires and impulses. But here are some hard truths you need to hear:
The recovery process isn't linear. You may cycle through these stages or experience them out of order:
A breakup, especially if it's out of the blue, often causes confusion and denial. You may ask how and why it happened. You may hyper-focus on your ex's promises to return soon or try to convince yourself they'll realize their mistake and beg for your forgiveness. This stage makes things feel nonsensical.
Driven by a desire to fix the situation, you may plead with your ex or engage in self-blame. During this time, it’s best to avoid contact, as you are not in a logical state of mind.
When reality sets in, anger rises—whether aimed at your ex (perhaps for infidelity) or at yourself. Getting it out of your system will feel cathartic, provided you don't hurt others.
As anger fades, sadness and fatigue take over, often leading to post-breakup depression. Allowing yourself space to grieve, while accepting support from friends and family, paves the way for moving on.
This stage kickstarts the healing process. It’s when you realize the relationship wasn’t meant to last. You let go of thoughts about your ex and start to prioritize yourself.
Mourning is necessary, but there comes a time when action must replace despair. Building small habits is key to getting over a breakup.
The first three days after your breakup are when your emotions are at an all-time high. In turn, you’re more likely to make impulsive decisions, like contacting your ex and begging for a second chance.
By waiting 72 hours before making any major decision, you allow yourself to think more rationally and avoid doing things that can hinder your healing process.
Refrain from dwelling on what went wrong. Reframe your takeaways as lessons for future relationships. If guilt is overwhelming, seek professional help. A therapist works in your best interest and will not judge you.
A breakup is often for the best if the relationship was hurting you, going nowhere, or started for the wrong reasons (like fear of loneliness). You’ve made an effort to maintain your connection. Now, you have the opportunity to develop yourself rather than be in an unending toxic cycle.
Don’t isolate yourself. Spend quality time with friends and family. They can motivate you to be present and remind you of the great people already in your life.
You might feel unattractive after a breakup. You might tie your self-worth to the relationship. Or you might compare your current self to your past self or your ex’s new partner.
Learn how to love yourself after a breakup. A simple shower, clean clothes, or even a spa day can help nurse a broken heart. You can also reengage in your hobbies or find new interests.
Dealing with a breakup doesn’t have to be all sorrow. You can view this time as an opportunity for personal growth and preparation for your next relationship.
Hopefully, this guide will help make it easier for you to transition from heartbreak to hopeful bachelor.
Studies show that emotional pain from heartbreak activates the same brain regions as physical pain. This is due to the sudden withdrawal of "feel-good" chemicals like dopamine, which your brain became accustomed to during the relationship.
Healing is a highly personal journey, and there is no fixed timeline. Some people move on quickly, while others take longer. It is important to be patient with yourself and focus on the daily steps of recovery.
Breakups cause pain because they involve a massive, simultaneous loss. You lose a partner, a daily routine, a shared future, and maybe even your identity outside of the relationship.
The 72-hour rule recommends waiting three days before making major decisions like contacting your ex. This cooling-off period allows intense, impulsive emotions to subside so you can think more rationally.
No, starting a rebound relationship to avoid being alone or to make your ex jealous often delays healing. It's best to prioritize self-care and rebuild yourself first.
Yes, it is very common to feel lost and question your identity. But remember that your relationship status does not define your worth or who you are as a person.
The final stage is Acceptance. This is when you realize the relationship's end was necessary. You begin to let go of thoughts about your ex, allowing you to prioritize your well-being and growth.
If overwhelming guilt, depression, or an inability to function start to significantly impact your daily life, it is a sign you should seek help. A therapist can provide non-judgmental support and coping strategies.
MindfulTMS Neurocare. 2025. “Why Breakups Feel Like Physical Pain: The Neuroscience of Heartache.” MindfulTMS Neurocare. https://mindfultms.com/why-breakups-feel-like-physical-pain-the-neuroscience-of-heartache/.
The Sydney Morning Herald. 2011. “Broken heart burns like hot coffee, US study finds.” March 29, 2011. https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/broken-heart-burns-like-hot-coffee-us-study-finds-20110329-1cdx0.html.
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